There are, I think, too few poems (and poets) exploring the idiosyncrasies of digital things through traditional lyricism. But you are doing this, and doing it well!
I could almost imagine these words coming from one of the great dead poets of old, if he were to see modern society. Very insightfully and artfully crafted. :)
I've also struggled to write about this subject in a way that feels adequate (at least, by my standards of self-evaluation). 'Tis a tricky one.
Yes, it isn't easy to pin down the ever-shifting landscape of modern tech. And it seems like it's only getting more kaleidoscopic as it matures, rather than settling down.
The progression of rhyme ending types in this poem (masculine/feminine, feminine/masculine, masculine/masculine, monosyllabic/multisyllabic) is quite dramatic.
To be more particular: In the ABAB rhyme scheme, A is monosyllabic/masculine, B is multisyllabic/feminine for the first 3 stanzas, giving it a flowing feel. The fourth slows the flow by switching masculine and feminine so masculine is in the terminal dominant position. The fifth then is all masculine (and monosyllabic), and hits hard with judgment, then the six backs off like an post-climax (because we are also implicated) with multisyllabic but masculine rhymes--a post-climax as well as a rhyme synthesis. If you didn't notice this very clear structure, you must have written this when you were writing a lot of poetry and had internalized these techniques. This is almost like an entry in your formal/not formal series of essays!
I don't think I had intentionally planned the kinds of end rhymes I would have for each stanza (I wrote it several years ago) but I did have in mind certain line-sounds, and I wanted something that sounded like a traditional ballad, in the mode of Auden or Larkin.
I think, also, the rhyming had to do with the fact that I was composing largely in pairs of lines. You can hear it in the voice of the poem.
There are, I think, too few poems (and poets) exploring the idiosyncrasies of digital things through traditional lyricism. But you are doing this, and doing it well!
I could almost imagine these words coming from one of the great dead poets of old, if he were to see modern society. Very insightfully and artfully crafted. :)
Thank you Florian. I'd been trying for awhile, but it's hard to write about these things in a way that doesn't feel hacky or instantly outdated.
I've also struggled to write about this subject in a way that feels adequate (at least, by my standards of self-evaluation). 'Tis a tricky one.
Yes, it isn't easy to pin down the ever-shifting landscape of modern tech. And it seems like it's only getting more kaleidoscopic as it matures, rather than settling down.
I'm not sure what you mean by "hacky," though...?
Maybe tacky is a better word. You can't always use the vocabulary of the technology because it sounds bad.
Ah. Yes, that makes more sense. ;)
Modern phrases do sound tacky, but unfortunately it’s not as simple as just using old words. That does tend in the direction of swift irrelevance.
Gotta hit the golden middle… somehow…
So many good lines in this! I particularly liked:
"wrecked on rocks of lost attention."
"They will be dead before they’re old."
"We watch them watch themselves on screen,
lured by love and lust and loneliness."
Thank you Clara.
Especially those last two! *chef's kiss*
I'm a sucker for alliteration, I suppose.
One day, this series will end, and I will be sad.
I hope on that day I’ll be able to send you a copy of the chapbook.
The progression of rhyme ending types in this poem (masculine/feminine, feminine/masculine, masculine/masculine, monosyllabic/multisyllabic) is quite dramatic.
Thank you Matt. I hadn't diagrammed it before; that's interesting to see.
To be more particular: In the ABAB rhyme scheme, A is monosyllabic/masculine, B is multisyllabic/feminine for the first 3 stanzas, giving it a flowing feel. The fourth slows the flow by switching masculine and feminine so masculine is in the terminal dominant position. The fifth then is all masculine (and monosyllabic), and hits hard with judgment, then the six backs off like an post-climax (because we are also implicated) with multisyllabic but masculine rhymes--a post-climax as well as a rhyme synthesis. If you didn't notice this very clear structure, you must have written this when you were writing a lot of poetry and had internalized these techniques. This is almost like an entry in your formal/not formal series of essays!
I don't think I had intentionally planned the kinds of end rhymes I would have for each stanza (I wrote it several years ago) but I did have in mind certain line-sounds, and I wanted something that sounded like a traditional ballad, in the mode of Auden or Larkin.
I think, also, the rhyming had to do with the fact that I was composing largely in pairs of lines. You can hear it in the voice of the poem.