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Peter Whisenant's avatar

I'm hoping there's a starring role in a snuff film in Madysyn's future. Honestly, girl works my last nerve.

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Peter Mladinic's avatar

Reads well, Robert. Good social commentary in the well handled dialogue.

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Robert Charboneau's avatar

Thank you Peter.

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Robert Charboneau's avatar

She annoys me too, at times. Other times I can't help but admire her.

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Olivia Marstall's avatar

Novel when? The dialogue writing + scene setting is great. Though the poetry makes it extra fun, of course.

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Robert Charboneau's avatar

Whenever it gets done, it's gonna be a novel in verse. The poetry is what makes it extra fun to write, too!

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Olivia Marstall's avatar

Looking forward to having a copy of the whole thing, then. Also, idk if we're supposed to empathize with this gal or not, but some of the jokes about dating here really almost needed a trigger warning. 😂 A little *too* close to home.

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Robert Charboneau's avatar

I hope readers empathize with her. I don't think it's a satire or anything like that. I think of it like a modern retelling of Troilus and Cresyde.

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Olivia Marstall's avatar

Well I like her! This scene is just so specifically "how it feels to meet up with your girlfriends over drinks and talk about the latest crazy guy in your DMs or whatever" that I couldn't tell if you were poking fun a little. Guess that just means it's true to life storytelling.

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Robert Charboneau's avatar

I like her too. She's ambitious. She moves to the big city because she has big dreams. She's a bit naïve, but who isn't at that age?

I wanted it to feel exactly like girlfriends talking over drinks. Could I make that into poetry, without sacrificing the colloquialism, the speech and the setting? My longer stuff usually has to do with archaic things. I want to see if I can write something modern.

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MaryAnne Bernardo's avatar

A very engaging read

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Robert Charboneau's avatar

Thank you as always MaryAnne! I've been loving the painting side of you that's come out on Substack. I side I didn't know existed! They're simple and beautiful.

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MaryAnne Bernardo's avatar

Thank you

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Barsley's avatar

This is seriously good. The language is intensely lyrical but never feels artificial, and completely appropriate to the setting

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Robert Charboneau's avatar

Thank you Barsley. That's very encouraging to hear. That's exactly the tightrope I'm trying to walk.

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