Such beautiful and yet pain-filled words. The parts that really resonate with me are “and limpets who scuttle over one another
to save themselves from the dry, naked cold” and “all my life I’ve asked and waited for a reply”. I’m currently exploring the concept of inaction as a pathway to happiness through my own poems.
You've got a great start and the form of writing is extremely flowing and good. You also have a huge challenge before you. It is also rare for most poets to write anything in long form. It also sounds like you have a narrative to be told, so there is also story telling as well. How many stanzas do you think it will take to finish?
I mean to have noted that the last four lines were referencing Huck's poem, not yours. But still, avoid 'ings' and if you need any feedback as you go let me know, or just when serialize, I can note a few things.
Your determination needs to be immense. Segment your time, separate categories, work, family, writing, and prioritize each apart. I've done several long form pieces and there is an element of sacrifice at times. Writing is one thing, time management is another. There is a quote I read by a European writer and I can't remember who, but he said, "When the artist does his best work his family gives him the most trouble." This is because the family is possibly feeling neglected. I think it was Tennyson who had to lock his office door at home to keep children and family at bay. As for myself, I recently spent 8 hours a day ever day for one full year on a five stanza poem; 4 hours in the morning, 4 hours at night. In my editing of your piece the last four lines--I suggest avoiding "-ings" even though they sound active, they preclude the readers mind from filling in the action, so it actually works against the writing, in my view. The trick is to get the reader to participate--this is the 'honey effect' of reading Shakespeare. They actually called WS honey-tongue during his lifetime.
Very evocative; being from that area I could see what you're describing.
It's funny; I did a three part poem about my childhood called "We Were Weeds"; it starts posting next Friday but the second part, "East Cliff" (which drops Friday week) is about tide pooling in a secluded cove in Santa Cruz. I couldn't help but compare your "intertidal imagery" to my own (of course I think you captured it better than me!).
Thank you Ernie. I'm from Reno, so I've been to San Fran quite a bit. It's just over the pass. I love the coast there so much. Let me know when your poem drops.
And you were discussing prose and poetry, marking tempo, praising choice, noting precision, and here you are demonstrating the memory of Madison Amandalynn. Which is to say, "well done."
Robert, Lisa and I walk the Land's End path frequently. I have probably passed you there. I don't like using adjectives in comments, but this is a marvelous poem. Like you are in the tidepools, and then suddenly you are in the heart of everything.
Such beautiful and yet pain-filled words. The parts that really resonate with me are “and limpets who scuttle over one another
to save themselves from the dry, naked cold” and “all my life I’ve asked and waited for a reply”. I’m currently exploring the concept of inaction as a pathway to happiness through my own poems.
Thank you Meaghan. That sounds very zen. Has it been working for you?
Did you actually know someone with this last name? It's funny that it's basically my name but with an a at the beginning.
I had a student whose middle name was Amandalynn. I thought the two together had a beautiful trochaic sound.
In the band, she is the one playing the mandolin
You've got a great start and the form of writing is extremely flowing and good. You also have a huge challenge before you. It is also rare for most poets to write anything in long form. It also sounds like you have a narrative to be told, so there is also story telling as well. How many stanzas do you think it will take to finish?
I mean to have noted that the last four lines were referencing Huck's poem, not yours. But still, avoid 'ings' and if you need any feedback as you go let me know, or just when serialize, I can note a few things.
Thank you Tom. I'm not sure how many stanzas it will be. I'm gonna give myself a year and see if I can get it done by then
Your determination needs to be immense. Segment your time, separate categories, work, family, writing, and prioritize each apart. I've done several long form pieces and there is an element of sacrifice at times. Writing is one thing, time management is another. There is a quote I read by a European writer and I can't remember who, but he said, "When the artist does his best work his family gives him the most trouble." This is because the family is possibly feeling neglected. I think it was Tennyson who had to lock his office door at home to keep children and family at bay. As for myself, I recently spent 8 hours a day ever day for one full year on a five stanza poem; 4 hours in the morning, 4 hours at night. In my editing of your piece the last four lines--I suggest avoiding "-ings" even though they sound active, they preclude the readers mind from filling in the action, so it actually works against the writing, in my view. The trick is to get the reader to participate--this is the 'honey effect' of reading Shakespeare. They actually called WS honey-tongue during his lifetime.
Very evocative; being from that area I could see what you're describing.
It's funny; I did a three part poem about my childhood called "We Were Weeds"; it starts posting next Friday but the second part, "East Cliff" (which drops Friday week) is about tide pooling in a secluded cove in Santa Cruz. I couldn't help but compare your "intertidal imagery" to my own (of course I think you captured it better than me!).
Can't wait to read the rest of this!
Thank you Ernie. I'm from Reno, so I've been to San Fran quite a bit. It's just over the pass. I love the coast there so much. Let me know when your poem drops.
Sure thing!
And you were discussing prose and poetry, marking tempo, praising choice, noting precision, and here you are demonstrating the memory of Madison Amandalynn. Which is to say, "well done."
And, I add the duration today of this image:
"Down I dropt my eyes and knelt among
the pools left by the ebb, and there is only
myself and wintering turnstones here among
the recessed rock, and spray venting against
the further walls."
Thank you Ron. The music is a big part of it here. I want it to sound pleasant as you're listening to the story.
extremely promising!!!
Thank you Huck!
This is a wonderful pastiche, with you drawing on so many poets I know to be favorites of yours. I look forward to seeing how it develops.
Thank you Peter. It is a pastiche, as you say, so we'll see if it all comes together in the end, but I'll probably be working on it all year.
Geeze. Subscribing in hopes you do serialize the rest of this poem here.
Thank you DA. I will definitely put the next few parts up.
Is that a real name?
Haha no. I mean, I've seen both of them separately, but never together.
I enjoy this piece, good work my dude!
Can’t wait to see the rest
Robert, Lisa and I walk the Land's End path frequently. I have probably passed you there. I don't like using adjectives in comments, but this is a marvelous poem. Like you are in the tidepools, and then suddenly you are in the heart of everything.
Makes me dare to eat a peach.